The Conversationalist Pillows

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

A lesson in wit

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."