Comical Conversationalists Pillows

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"All the good ones are neutered."

Not quite Beverly Hills.

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

Parking validation

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

"What is it about us that makes only crazy people want to talk to us?"

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

"We could always adopt, like, 50 little bunnies from Asia."

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."