Conversationalist Humor Pillows

"Stop talking. This is a cha cha, not a chat chat!"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Jokes machine.

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

A lesson in wit

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Bat out of Hell

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'