Conversationalist Humor Pillows

"Stop talking. This is a cha cha, not a chat chat!"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

The Algonquin Round Table

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Bat out of Hell

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

A lesson in wit

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'