Comical Conversationalists Mugs

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

So, what brings you two here today? Amanda Kern. Comics counseling.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

"All the good ones are neutered."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

Not quite Beverly Hills.

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

So, what disturbing topic would you like to talk about today, Al? How about your new combover, Doctor?

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

Parking validation

"What is it about us that makes only crazy people want to talk to us?"

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

Men telling stories

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

My name's Troy, and I'll be your serve tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.