Light-hearted Conversationalist Gifts

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'I prefer to call it 'shedding'.'

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Snow is falling...

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Heart To Heart

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'