Light-hearted Conversationalist Gifts

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'I prefer to call it 'shedding'.'

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Jokes machine.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Snow is falling...

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

Heart To Heart

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Bat out of Hell

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'