Lively Conversationalist Gifts

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

Jokes machine.

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"