Chatty Conversationalist Gifts

"Like to read, huh? Me, too. I'm a big reader. I just finished a book by Brown. You know Dan Brown? Great writer..."

"Do you play?"

"Everyone has a good word for her."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'Well hello Jill. I actually picked up the phone to ring the police, but now that you're on, how about coffee on Tuesday?'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Crow and fox

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Jokes machine.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'