Couch Commentary Gifts

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."