Couch Commentary Gifts

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."