Couch Surfing Critic Gifts

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

Low-Energy Drinks

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

Binge Watch

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Ah, business as usual.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

Help! I've fallen in love and I can't get up! Cat alert system.

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"