Couch-surfing Connoisseur Gifts

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"Goal!"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Binge Watch

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

The Common Sutra.

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"I see a couch."

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

Staycation Photos

E-Z Livin'

Sleep. The magazine for people who are asleep.

'When did we lose our targeted audience status?'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'The best part about working from home is NOT working from home.'

Exercise vs Laxative.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."