Couch Connoisseur Gifts

'Have you met my protege?'

'I was thinking acupuncture might cure his laziness. . .'

"The only reason I come here is because they won't let me lay on the couch at home."

"It's from the university of life...you failed!"

'When did we lose our targeted audience status?'

'It's just so like you not to notice. For your information, I've been gluten-free for the past 24 minutes.'

'If you buy 5 pairs, we throw in a recliner and TV remote for free.'

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'He's choosy about wine - only large bottles will do.'

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

'The best part about working from home is NOT working from home.'

"I see a couch."

"I've watched these workout videos for hours. They haven't helped."

"Sits there watching quiz shows all day long and still he knows nothing."

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Just as I thought no off button!"

'Let me know if you are uncomfortable.'

'...In other news: Bolts of lightning, printed narratives and rectangles have been spotted shooting out of T.V.s across the nation...'

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'He's been looking for a job for days. He hopes to find it on Facebook.'

Home is where the beer is.

'In your case I wonder if it's such a good idea.'

'Since he retired all he does is watch TV and vegetate.'

"Helen!! I'm sick of watching our pathetic Olympic athletes! Would you hand me the remote control I left on the TV!"

'When I said 'Put your feet up' you know very well what I meant!'

Yonkers Oktoberfest

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

Suggestion Box

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"Saturday will be sunny with gathering clouds of guilt from still not wanting to leave the house. Sunday will be a beautiful couch day with torrential cold rain."

E-Z Livin'

The Sullen 40-To-54-Year-Old Demographic