Couch Connoisseur Pillows

'Have you met my protege?'

'I was thinking acupuncture might cure his laziness. . .'

"The only reason I come here is because they won't let me lay on the couch at home."

"It's from the university of life...you failed!"

'When did we lose our targeted audience status?'

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

'It's just so like you not to notice. For your information, I've been gluten-free for the past 24 minutes.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'If you buy 5 pairs, we throw in a recliner and TV remote for free.'

'He's choosy about wine - only large bottles will do.'

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

"I see a couch."

"I've watched these workout videos for hours. They haven't helped."

"Sits there watching quiz shows all day long and still he knows nothing."

"Just as I thought no off button!"

'...In other news: Bolts of lightning, printed narratives and rectangles have been spotted shooting out of T.V.s across the nation...'

'The best part about working from home is NOT working from home.'

'Let me know if you are uncomfortable.'

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'In your case I wonder if it's such a good idea.'

Home is where the beer is.

'When I said 'Put your feet up' you know very well what I meant!'

'Since he retired all he does is watch TV and vegetate.'

"Helen!! I'm sick of watching our pathetic Olympic athletes! Would you hand me the remote control I left on the TV!"

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

'Sorry guys. I'm spending the evening with my lovely wife.'

The Sullen 40-To-54-Year-Old Demographic

E-Z Livin'

"Perhaps we could think of me sitting here as an art installation, that would help."

"When you die, can I have this couch?"

Bummer Time Streaming