Couch Counselling Connoisseur Pillows

A shrink.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Binge Watch

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Goal!"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."