Couch Surfing Expert Gifts

"20 years ago we were disappointed much faster..."

Low-Energy Drinks

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Binge Watch

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Ah, business as usual.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Easy chair exercise machines

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Have we scored yet?"

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."