Couch Surfing Expert Gifts

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

"20 years ago we were disappointed much faster..."

Low-Energy Drinks

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

Binge Watch

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Ah, business as usual.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Help! I've fallen in love and I can't get up! Cat alert system.

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Easy chair exercise machines

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'World Cup? Nobody told me there was a football match on!'