Cozy Couch Critics Gifts

'Yeah. We should help them.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Bloody hell!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Emotional Baggage Handler

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

Exercise vs Laxative.