Cozy Couch Critics Gifts

'Yeah. We should help them.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

The Common Sutra.

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

"God, I love this show!"

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Emotional Baggage Handler

Eventual Motion Machine