Couch Commentator Gifts

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"I'm watching the presidential debate."

'It's not just the news that's depressing. It's all the medication commercials in between.'

'Well, that's all the news, so I guess I'll just sit here and wait until something else happens.'

"He's in training for the Rugby World Cup."

'Those are the stories making news at this hour — Now, here are some stories nobody cares about....'

'Today a government spokesman admitted U.S. foreign policy is so confused...'

Wife puts a line of vanishing foam down the middle of the bed.

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'Bad things happened to good people today -- film at eleven.'

Non-voters: the first projected losers

"Politics or football, it's all the same to him."

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

"What do you mean, I'm always lounging here doing nothing? I'm hoping!"

"There's nothing wrong with Australian rugby a few more Pacific Islanders couldn't fix."

Mud Slinging

Superpac donations of the rich & famous.

"I can't bear the suspense, Albert. Would you please put your two cents in right now!"

'One thing we've learned from all this -- the American people voted stupidly.'

'He's all 'beautiful' and blummin' 'elegant!''

All Candidates Promising Change.

'Next we have a fabulous double-play combo - two players, one low price!'

"Wish we could vote for which ex-Big Brother contestant we's most like to leave the TV schedules...."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Armchair Critics.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'