Couch Comedians Gifts

Russian boycott 'Nyetflix'

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

Frank has intimacy issues.

'His six-pack abs are now a keg.'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

"I am a control freak."

'Here, you're allowed to sharpen your claws to your heart's content!'

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"No incumbents were harmed in the passage of this stimulus package...."

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

Mud Slinging

"Is there room for me?"

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'He's training for the London Marathon,he watches it every year.'

I'd say you've got assertivity issues

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."