Couch Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'I just found the Tories public spending requirement down the back of our sofa.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Couch and Potato

The Common Sutra.

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

"I am a control freak."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

If you're going to wear a GoPro, Larry, you have to actually go.

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

Mud Slinging