Couch Comedian Gifts

COVID-19: Portrait In Courage

"Our Sigmund has had this great idea for boosting the family business."

"Jogging back and forth to the refrigerator doesn't qualify as exercise."

'He's training for the London Marathon,he watches it every year.'

"Energy drinks my foot! I've drunk 10 cans a day and now I don't have enough energy to get off the couch!"

"Lucky devil, most people just find loose change behind the sofa!"

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'Here we go again, Mr Gloez, you are NOT a couch mechanic!'

"As always. . . make sure to warm up . . . to avoid injury. . ."

"He called in sick 2 years ago and now he doesn't remember where he works."

'Now they're saying exercise doesn't cure depression.'

'At the moment he's watching the programme all the critics' agree is an insult to human intelligence...'

'Change the channel. It's a boring T.V. reality show about who controls the remote.'

"Congratulations! You're my first patient who has succeeded in projecting hs schizophrenia onto the couch!"

"I am a control freak."

"The lock-down allowed me to finally achieve a flat stomach. . . the 'L' is silent!"

"I think I need to diet. I have to binge watch just to look at all of me."

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

'She's not actually missing yet but I'll be in Brazil next week.'

'Don't just stand there-use the remote and switch over!'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

Snooker Channel.

'He's on the fasting couch.'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

Man Squares Up to Cowboy on TV.

'Of course it feels stuffy in here -- you have the TV tuned to PBS.'

'Instead of hunting tonight, lets call our insurance agent, say we want to add dental coverage, and eat him when he arrives?'

"Hi, I'm on the telly"

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'What's he laughing at? Doesn't he listen to the news?'

If you're going to wear a GoPro, Larry, you have to actually go.

"Maybe hunting isn't your thing."