Breakroom Critic Gifts

"When you're through with that, there's a water cooler on seven that needs emptying."

"I go that extra mile!"

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'This makes things very messy. He's claiming he programmed the lunchroom toaster to do muffins.'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

I dread to think what he would have got had they made a profit.

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

Yeahhhh, I've goofed-off at the fax machine, laser printer, copier, but I'm a traditionist. Nothing beats the watercooler!

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

"Well, you've fianlly done it! No more rainforest left!"

Restroom in the stadium has goal toilet fresheners.

'I came for the $1.99 seafood buffet--I'm staying for the restrooms.'

'Well if they are 'laugh lines', you've got an awful lot for such a misery guts!'

"I'm getting tired of this same old office grind."

'We've run out of paper cups again.'

Dog Urinals.

'Charles knew Tad was about to snap. Quarterly profits were weak, the network was compromised and now, Tuesday's Brussel Sprout medley in the cafeteria lingered through Thursday.'

'I, along with some of the other employees, feel you're abusing the breakroom.'

"This school is so good, I even learn stuff during lunch."

An unpopular woman in a bakery shop.

"If I switched to decaf, I'd lose my edge around the water cooler."

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

Woman looking at a vending machine for feminine hygiene products in a public restroom that reads "Unsanitary napkins".