Restroom Philosopher Gifts

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

Man uses encyclopaedia to try to decipher trendy signs for toilets in pub: pens and cobs

Toilet Time.

"Your desk is in here now. After all, it's where you spend most of the working day!"

Yin Yang bathrooms.

"So, do you like traveling?"

Toilet 'Thinking Area.'

"Did someone just have verbal diarrhoea?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Vanity artist

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"