Lounge Philosopher Gifts

'I don't teach mine about the Bill of Rights any more -- it makes them too unruly.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"You don't whisper anymore."

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Men gossiping

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

ONE HORSE TOWN

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

Brickie's Mate

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

"So that's where you were last night."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'