Pub Philosophizers Gifts

"See, Jimmy? If they give a big tax cut to the wealthy, those guys'll feel good and have us come fix their roof and stuff."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

Men gossiping

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

ONE HORSE TOWN

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

Brickie's Mate

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

If bar stools were like playground swings...