Pub Philosophers Gifts

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

"My grandfather dies from asbestos poisoning - it took 'em 3 weeks to cremate him...."

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

"That reminds me of the thing I was going to say next regardless."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

"So... you've decided to turn your neurons into morons."

"How's the weather? Sorry. I don't talk politics in bars."

"How about another round to toast temperance?"

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'Wait a sec! 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times' - is this gonna be a long story?'

'It's never been irradiated, and it never will be.'

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

'You see, the difference between you and me is I'm a social drinker and you're an idiot!'

*My wife doesn't understand me...

Clancy: Happy Hour's Over

"Would you rather have Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?"

"What ever happened to 'dumb but happy'?"

"My father used to say you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he wears."

"I slipped on a bar of soap in the bathtub, and my gun went off."

"It's the loony bin. They want to know if you're coming back."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

No Immediate Danger

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."