Drink Philosopher Gifts

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"There, but for the wrath of my wife, go I."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Men gossiping

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

ONE HORSE TOWN

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'