Cocktail Philosopher Gifts

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

"Ever feel like the world doesn't know you exist?"

"Something life affirming. On the rocks."

Happy Hour. Noun. A cocktail hour or longer period at a bar, during which losers are given the illusion of happiness. (Bar patron reading sign on wall.)

"Hit me again - I'm trying to remember a woman."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

'The first cocktail.'

'Did my ice just melt or is it getting hotter out here?'

Bar Therapy

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"You make me want to be a better drunk."

"I have no particular objection to the earth, but I wouldn't go so far as to call myself its friend."

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"What little money I had I invested in myself. I lost everything."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"My 401(k) is safe. It's tied up in booze futures."

"Men Don's age are back in style."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

'What is wrong with brother Sebastian?'

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."