Cocktail Hour Philosopher Gifts

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"I believe in the carrot-and-stick approach, Dempsey."

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

'The first cocktail.'

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Bar Therapy

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Jay McInerney

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

'Fill 'er up!'

Scariest Tactics

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

Siggy

"Everything has been done to death."