Cocktail Hour Philosopher T-Shirts

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I believe in the carrot-and-stick approach, Dempsey."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

'The first cocktail.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Bar Therapy

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

That's a street lamp, Steve.

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Jay McInerney

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

'Fill 'er up!'

"Everything has been done to death."

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

Scariest Tactics

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."