Philosopher's Happy Hour T-Shirts

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

Beers

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

The Reaper's Arms

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

"There! Isn't sipping my Tropical Surprise more fun than arguing over some ancient sports trivia?"

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

"Another Martoonie?"

"I believe in the carrot-and-stick approach, Dempsey."

Pint

"If there's been a constant theme in my life It's that I'm really thirsty."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"You want your olive?"

"Another double martini, please. My sense of balance and proportion couldn't make it tonight so I'm drinking for two."

Goldylocks and the Three Beers.

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"I said 'neighborhood watch'; they said 'peeping Tom.' "

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."