Philosopher Over Drinks T-Shirts

'What I really wanted was to get drunk on power.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'The first cocktail.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Bar Therapy

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

The drinker.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

"2 glasses of wine at lunch, I think I'm Socrates..."

'Time? Time's relative.'

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

'Sometimes I see problems and solutions with such clarity, I feel I've been infused with all the wisdom of the ages... THAT'S when I know I've had too much to drink.'

Scariest Tactics

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

'I think globally but I drink locally!'

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

'I had everything going for me, but I could never find the right person to inspire me.'