Drunken Philosopher T-Shirts

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"2 glasses of wine at lunch, I think I'm Socrates..."

Goldfish bowl on raft...

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

Lost and forgotten department

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

'Sometimes I see problems and solutions with such clarity, I feel I've been infused with all the wisdom of the ages... THAT'S when I know I've had too much to drink.'

'I had everything going for me, but I could never find the right person to inspire me.'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'I'm not seeking any answers . . .I don't know anything . . . I'm just lazy!'

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

'What I really wanted was to get drunk on power.'

'Don't do today what you can leave for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week or until someone else does it for you.'

'I feel so... lethargic. Well, I would be if I could be bothered.'

"I totally wiped out on my bike."

"And remember, dear, if you want to know the time don't ask a policeman."

'Why do they make asprin so blindingly white.'

'I like your 'glass-half-full' philosophy but not when it's a pint pot using a single malt whisky!'

'I used to be ambitious, but I find it easier to feel guilty about lack of ambition.'

Desert Island Empty Except For Nixon Sign

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

Avoiding Housework 'How to skive'

"Introspe-e-ec-shun!"