Club Shop Humorist T-Shirts

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Let's discuss this feeling that you're always being blamed for bad golf scores!"

"When I was seventeen..."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'I see you've dressed to go clubbing.'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"