Shop Talk Humorist T-Shirts

"No, sir, recumbent unicycles are not a thing."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

"How much is the sign?"

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Seven deadly sins store

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

"Well, Mr Baskerville, the only puppy hound I have left is this little guy right here." A legend is born.

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

'All these conferences look the same.'

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'...Have you ever once thought about my wants?! It's always about you, Polly! You!'

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

"Remember when all this was free?"

'It's you.'

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"