Gift Shop Humorist Gifts

'Thank you, sir -- now, would you like to visit our gift shop?'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

'We leave for France tomorrow. I just can't wait to visit all those famous museum gift shops!'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"How much is the sign?"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

Great moments in shopping

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Free Range / Deranged

Father Goldfish: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

'Lucky they've got a glazer'.

'It's you.'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

Nail Bar

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.