Gift Shop Humorist Pillows

'Thank you, sir -- now, would you like to visit our gift shop?'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

'We leave for France tomorrow. I just can't wait to visit all those famous museum gift shops!'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"How much is the sign?"

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

Great moments in shopping

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

Free Range / Deranged

Father Goldfish: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

Nail Bar

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'It's you.'

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.