Checkout Humorist Gifts

Express lane - zero items.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

Great moments in shopping

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Shopping Trolley

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

'Which eight do you want?'

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

He doesn't look sorry!

'I love the new price stickers with the larger barcodes...although it might be getting out of hand.'