Checkout Line Comedians Gifts

Shopping Trolley

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Only One Item or Fewer.

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'For kicking our salesman down the stairs, we take 10 euros extra charge, sir!'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!

Hell for cashiers.

'Which eight do you want?'

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

"Paper or Plastic?"

"The complaint department is next door."

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"Oh, that's a tricky one...now let me think...'Would I like a carrier bag..?' hmm..."

12 items or less. 12 items or else.

'It's his mother. They're inseparable.'

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

Lots of people helping out with the self-service machine.

Checkouts: 10 Items or Less, Baskets Only and Shoplifters.

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

"Would you like me to help you pack, or throw your shopping towards you at such a speed, you experience both stress and annoyance?"

'Sorry, there are more than eight frozen peas in here.'

I recently returned an online purchase, but the amount of my refund was a few dollars less than what I paid. How come? A stocking fee? Interesting. Do they have seems down the back? What else are you wearing?

Words you don't ever want to hear: a pilot saying 'I keep forgetting - East: is that to the left or right of north?'

Airline queues.