Customer Service Comedian Gifts

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'This has to be in Des Moines by Friday.', 'Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?'

"This part is a special order. It'll take three weeks to get here."

"This tie is too tight...!"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Waiter!"

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

'A table near a waiter please.'

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

'For kicking our salesman down the stairs, we take 10 euros extra charge, sir!'

'Everything works fine? Don't worry, sir! We'll mess it up for you!'