Customer Service Humorist Gifts

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

Please wait while we have a cup of coffee and a bit of a chat about what we're doing at the weekend your call is important to us...the wrong automated cal system can have disasterous effects upon your customers.

"Ok. All checked out. Want me to round up the shopping carts in the parking lot, now?"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'...and, another thing, I don't like the way you ignore me!'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'Hello, Biggo Sports Supply? about that tree stand I ordered...'

Is it raining outside? Sorry, not my table.

'I'd like to return this. please.'

'Generally we don't provide separate wake up calls for little teddy bears.'

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"You specifically requested Extra Starch, sir!"

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"Why can't they ring the bell for themselves...??"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"