Customer Service Humorist Gifts

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

Please wait while we have a cup of coffee and a bit of a chat about what we're doing at the weekend your call is important to us...the wrong automated cal system can have disasterous effects upon your customers.

"Ok. All checked out. Want me to round up the shopping carts in the parking lot, now?"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'...and, another thing, I don't like the way you ignore me!'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'Hello, Biggo Sports Supply? about that tree stand I ordered...'

Is it raining outside? Sorry, not my table.

'Generally we don't provide separate wake up calls for little teddy bears.'

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"You specifically requested Extra Starch, sir!"

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"Why can't they ring the bell for themselves...??"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'