Checkout Comedian Gifts

'Sorry, there are more than eight frozen peas in here.'

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

Shopper at 500 Items or Less in market.

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

'Which eight do you want?'

My zip code? It's 47711, what's yours?

"Oh, that's a tricky one...now let me think...'Would I like a carrier bag..?' hmm..."

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"Stop putting that back, I'm trying to buy it."

"Would you like me to help you pack, or throw your shopping towards you at such a speed, you experience both stress and annoyance?"

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

Checkout for $385.00 or more.

"Harvey's staying with shoulders."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

Tescos: 'Oh no! There's no chocolate at the checkout!'

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Shopping Trolley

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

Fresh milk - Self service

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

Hell for cashiers.