Checkout Comic Gifts

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

Checkout for $385.00 or more.

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

'I'm a Fringe performer.'

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

Tescos: 'Oh no! There's no chocolate at the checkout!'

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

Shopping Trolley

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

'For some reason they've nailed the mike to the floor.'

10 items or less