Storefront Humorist Gifts

He doesn't look sorry!

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Sign Reform

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

Seven deadly sins store

Great moments in shopping

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'Yes?'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

Free Range / Deranged

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

The 29p Shop

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

Fresh milk - Self service

"This parking space ain’t big enough for the two of us."

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."