Storefront Humorist Gifts

He doesn't look sorry!

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Great moments in shopping

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

Free Range / Deranged

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

The 29p Shop

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

"This parking space ain’t big enough for the two of us."

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

Pot hole.