Storefront Satirist Gifts

'It's a terrible pitch but you can't beat the view.'

Sign in store - 'Under New Mismanagement'

Sign Reform

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

Eye of Newt Helper

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Commodities Exchange. Metals. Tin Items or Less.

Woman walking past Five Guys.

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Crap Nav