Marketplace Satirist Gifts

"It used to be called the outdoor market but since it's rebranding it has been much more popular."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

Sign Reform

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Pirates at the mall.

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Stock Market Research and Analysis

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

Cold caller.

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

"We've lowered our IPO price so many times, the Street's referring to it as an Initial Pathetic Offer."

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'He's chasing the market.'