Retail Satirist Gifts

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Excuse me, young man, where's the manager?"

Self Checkout

Sign Reform

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Cold caller.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Seven deadly sins store

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'Corporations hijack government... details whenever we run out of commercials.'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

"This looks good."

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."