Retail Satirists Gifts

'Finally a mega-store with an honest name.'

Sign Reform

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

Cold caller.

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Seven deadly sins store

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"This looks good."

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

The 29p Shop