Marketing Satirists Gifts

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"The herbal tea names used to be more soothing."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

The Corporate Rat.

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"I've decided the most honorable course of action is for me to take the blame...and pin it on Gordon."

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"He'll be a hard man to replace. Nobody knows what he does."

Cold caller.

"Yeah, but no progress in meeting..."

'If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?'