Business Satirists Gifts

Experts in their field.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Time, temperature, and corporate ethics readings.

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

"We don't build the toys anymore. We just order them from our factories overseas."

Desk plaque reads: Plunder globally, media-manage locally.

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

'We anticipate anticipated profits.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

"We still offer executives the Golden Parachute, but now it's a real thing in case stockholders storm the 59th floor."

An executive prepares to cut jobs.

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

"Here's an idea, instead of you signing off checks why don't we pay people electronically?"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"As you can see, our market research shows that you should me spending more on market research."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"You failed in marketing, you failed as a caretaker but you're not a total loss... At least I could sell your kidneys."

'What this corporation needs is more pizzazz and less pizza.'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

Florist in receivership

Woman given a pinstrip suited infant from a nurse

'All in favor of stabbing our way through our disgruntled employees say aye.'

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Out to lunch back in an hour.

'Sure, it's been a bad year for business, but he's hanging in there.'

CEO Incentives

'... And I don't like the way you talk about corporate greed as though it's a bad thing!'

Human flesh consumption up 200%. Well done, Wilkins.

'Hold a giant yard sale? Bates, you call that a corporate 'rescue' plan?'

'We're going to change this company ... from the ground up.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

Harvard Business and Pleasure School