Advertising Satire Gifts

"That's false advertising - I didn't see any string!"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"It lost a little something in translation."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

Death Boss

The Corporate Rat.

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

Boardroom cream pies.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

"I've decided the most honorable course of action is for me to take the blame...and pin it on Gordon."

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'Corporate Sydney'

"It's a letter from my boss. He says he's not paying me for the time I've been stranded on this island."

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'