Advertising Humor Gifts

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

"Can you believe they're watching the same back-to-school ad?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I see everyone got the memo.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

Looks like another profit's warning

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

"It will scare away our competitors."

Blowing dust off an order book.

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

"In an effort to make this a more pleasant meeting, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales figures chart counter-clockwise a full ninety degrees."

Above reproach.